I'm lost and stupid without you.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
