Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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