Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
