Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
