I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
