If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I did not marry a roomba.
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