the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
