we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
