last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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