so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
