you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
