if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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