Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
