i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
