Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
