I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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