If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
