she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Semen is not good for contacts.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
