so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize