i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
