I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Randomize
