Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
