Farmville is her only friend.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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