Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
