I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
