It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
