The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm passing your future prison.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.