When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?