I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
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Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
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literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.