dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
