I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
