Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
