you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
