what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
