saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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