I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
