help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
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