I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I would ride that face into the sunset
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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