You smell like a Billy Joel song
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
