No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
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I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
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Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Terrible idea I love it
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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