So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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