even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
my being single is dangerous.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
