I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
