Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
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