Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
