guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
