Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
