I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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