Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
