i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
