am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
