Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
