FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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