I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
