i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
