Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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