Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
