Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
