i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
