So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
