but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You can't just leave with hair like that
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
