I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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