I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
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I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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