I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
