I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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