i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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